That line of thought about Debis childhood is very revealing. Trueworthy, I am in the middle of divorce proceedings and settlement negotiations. Right there Debi just tried to seat man on Gods throne the devil tried that and got kicked out of Heaven. We can certainly see he loved and fed his OWN body, over and over and without consent from his bride and when he was done forcing her to have sex, he made her feed him. When I wanted to obey scripture I was persecuted by him. (p. 97), They are often the church splitters.they can be real jerks who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way. I went on to marry the same kind of abuser because I didnt know / wasnt allowed to know the truth about signs of what an abuser looked like. She meant well and was deceived by the book too I believe. The different types are just as marked in one year olds as they are in adult men. This is all speculation as I do not know the details of their marriage per se, and if it is not appropriate please dont post. While I couldnt get my hands on the actual book, this is a summary and in-depth look at the atrocities that are Mike and Debi Pearl aka RimJob and Meechs sensei. The be-all and end-all is persevering [in] your marriage at all costs, and having it restored even if you had an adulterous, abusive husband leave you. I would certainly NOT recommend this book to wives, Christian or otherwise. Usually, the perpetrator continues through two, sometimes three generations of children due to the silence of those who are molested. (they are always pushing the idea that to divorce is the worst thing that could EVER happen to you, you will end up sleeping in a cold bed at your mothers, or living in a trailer park alone and poor and so on). In Mark 7:9-13, Jesus is talking not only about how we treat our parents, but also (and more importantly) about how wrong it is for humans to invent commandments that are not in scripture. Thats what I did with a friend when we went to the beach. There is a bit of a persecution complex (fostered by people like the Pearls) that binds homeschool moms in particular to blindly accept things as part of the Christian homeschool culture. They believe a wife exists merely to serve her husband and have no ambition or desires of her own, basically. To better understand how Debitries to destroy personal boundaries lets review what boundaries actually are. Now, Im not talking about say a mother who has been abused like so many of us here for decades and after their abuser leaves (or she is dumped by him or some other scenario where she is STILL in harms way and vulnerable) and is angry and frustrated and trying to make sense of it all, Im referring to the kind who (usually immediately) start implementing their own abusive agenda, and it becomes obvious that they are abusive themselves and were only kept from being in charge, by the alpha abuser. A free person is the only one who can submit. It all seemed so unreallike it happened to another kid. I do not know Derek Princes overall teaching in detail, but the fact that he promoted the Shepherding Movement at one stage show he was very wrong at that stage. She told me that she thinks the quote comes from Created To Be His Helpmeet which is what notlongnow also said. Simply for fear that they will latch on to some of that cult-like mindset. It is false teachers such as these within the apostate church that leads many women down the path of wishing they had never been born. My dad had only touched me; he had done much more to my little sister. My husband is a reforming abuser because I did, and still do, set boundaries with him. Sidenote though, it occurs to me that how to prevent UTIs might ought to be more standard in the advice department to young women. He was surprised because his brother never got angry on their trips, but he didnt clarify if his brother got more sleep or had shoes. Debi exploits women, teaches them to abuse themselves, to expect abuse, to deny the Holy Spirit inside of them, and to hate themselves.

Thanks. And Jesus is perfect, yet Judas still betrayed him. In the emotional state I was in at the time (after discovering my stbxs STD, multiple affairs, thefts, swindling of churches etc) it threw me. It was a life-saver for sure. I havent read this book and I dont know that my Elders have either, but a lot of the advice is what Ive been counseled. Yep. Listen closely to Debis words. How he dragged her here, then dragged her there, while coercing her into consenting to sex when she didnt really want it, never giving her what she asked for or even considering what she desired.

Avid Reader, excellent synopsis of Debi Pearls teachings. Mind you, this was a top rated public school in a nice area. This book did nothing but make me an even easier target for my husband to abuse, and it reaped nothing but bad fruit for me. We had lived overseas for the majority of the childrens childhoods, and the DOD schools were AWESOME.

One thing stuck with me. Already being very passionate about womens rights and confronting abuse in the church, I tore through this book with no love for it. Get him books and tapes on good Bible teaching and let him see the children three of four times a year in the prison visiting area. It is THEIR FAULT that they do not want stay in an ever-increasing abusive environment!!! He has little to no contact with his children (who are teens that he could certainly reach out to himself), and he blames me for ALL of it. Wives are to obey an unreasonable and surly husband, unless he were to command his wife to lie to the Holy Ghost.. I found an article by Michael Pearl titled He that covererth a sin is not wise. Im not saying that in support or agreement, just to clarify. Thanks. She is a slave subject to a slave driver and she is out of the will of God. If we are persecuted in one town, we should flee to another. I didnt trust myself to think clearly regarding what I should be doing spiritually because my husband found it irritating every time I got a conviction. Lol, If you want a page-by-page review with lots of quotes, the love joy feminism blog did a series a few years ago https://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2015/12/created-to-be-his-help-meet-a-compilation-of-posts.html, She also has a series on the Pearl child rearing manual To Train Up a Child (which is also horrific - maybe even moreso since these are children utterly dependent on them). So much sadness though for women who are caught in her net. He becomes physically abusive and couldve easily killed her. But to me it reveals how corrupt and evil teachings like the Pearls are so integrated into common Christian culture!! Im aware of a few cases where people seeking membership were told (it disgusts me) to send a letter of repentance to an abusive church to check a box so that they could become members. Seriously, TODAY, a very kind, sweet, humble woman from my church brought me some quotes from this book because she knew my husband and I were having difficulties.

This theme is central to the whole book. If women were only created to help husbands then why isnt there marriage in heaven? Of course not. (The ACFJ team encourages readers to clickhere [Internet Archive link] to vote on this review at Amazon where it was originally published. My dad was the king psychopath in my family. It seemed appropriate at the time. Go to this link and then scroll down from there. None of the excerpts from the book that I read in this blog, have scripture based truth, and much seems to be twisted and taken out of context to justify the actions of the abuser and place blame for the abuse and subsequent failure of the marriage squarely on the shoulders of the abused. So the woman stays married and she is now responsible to make sure her husbands spirit is fed (in this case it is okay).

Self-righteousness in exhorting women to ask theological questions ONLY from their own husbands, not from him or any other preacher. We are very glad you have found us! I found this link Michael Pearls Thoughts on a Wifes Duty to a Child Molesting Husband [Internet Archive link] which quotes what Michael Pearl teaches on what to do if your husband is a pedophile. We moved and my husband insisted she try this new school, which she did, but I was now unwilling to allow her to be unhappy so I told him that she WOULD be able to do what she wanted next year. [Admins note: Comment published because it still relates to the particularly toxic homeschooling culture which Debi and Michael Pearl have contributed to making so toxic.

I feel bad for her at that moment (before she wrote the book). As an adult, I had always wondered why so many people were shocked when I told them I was homeschooled. [JM is John MacArthur. Does the victim recognize the abusive patterns? That line about not needing to hunt crabs cuz he married one is SOOO typical! We commend you for having the courage to follow the words of Christ that: Every plant that my Father in Heaven has not planted will be pulled up by the roots. (This is so important I now knowto be able to feel like you have a voice for yourself and that you have a right to make decisions for yourself). Not all these elements need be present, e.g., physical abuse may not be part of it. Well said E. Not only ruined, it gives all of those institutions a very poor witness to others too. On the other hand, Mr. Visionary [Man] is lazy, refuses to work, and hops around the country, chasing empty frivolous things. . Utterly revolting. I had given my mind over to my husband and been damaging my conscience. There are basically three types of men. They wave it like a banner and use it like a baton to beat a woman who questions the mans judgement or voices any complaint or grievance or difference of opinion from the man. I do not necessarily agree with everything the author of this website says, but this link will explain more about the point of view I outlined in the above paragraph. (p. 245), What submission doesnt mean is that a husband just tells a wife what to do.The idea of submission is never meant to allow someone to overstep anothers boundaries. But again, that so many who claim to be CHRISTIANS worship himwell, no wonder so many people think Christians are blind and stupid. Notlongnow, And how, for that matter, does God get glorified by having an innocent be tortured like that? For better or for worse it is his nature to control.A woman married to a Command Man wears a heavier yoke than most women but it can be a very rewarding yoke.her walk.is easier because there is never any possibility of her being in control.Command men have less tolerance so they will often walk off and leave their clamoring wife before she has a chance to realize that she is even close to losing her marriage.The Command man feels it is his duty and responsibility to lead people and he does whether.they want him to or not. We know God is NOT like that! In his evil brain the girls were no threat to his authority cuz we were girls (weak etc.). Hi Kat, thanks for your thoughtful comment. At the end of the letter, Michael Pearl says: What she says is true. Tell your readers for the sake of the children: They must speak out! And Debi COMPLETELY buys into all of this and has built her ministry around it. My heart goes out to all of you who have been damaged by this type of evil theology and may God rescue those who are still enslaved by it. Thus he reacts badly. Youve come out of the fog and realised your error thats the main thing. They seemed to be saying if I was making my husband happy I was in Gods will. Then she traumatizes the kids several times a year to keep them in touch with Daddy. It is NOT Gods will for your husband to reverence you. And do men really sit around and compare their sex lives with the other guys. Do they consider their own inconsistencies? And then whatever he says, goes, regardless of how un-Biblical it is. They KNOW they are doing wrong, but they deny they are doing wrong. Til the day he left me, he never let me forget how rude I had been to his parents by not being more hospitable to them on their visit that weekend. He also says that if you think your husband is really repentant when he is caught sexually abusing the children, to let him be around the children and test things (and not call the police I assume). That marriage was meant to be more private and maturity and experience would cure the need to discuss these things. I remember his horrendous jealousy of every person that wanted a moment of my time. Its in this context that she referred to the rival woman as a slut, hussy, and wench, as though the sinful husband has not committed the equal sin and is not equally deserving of such contempt. We didnt even go to church often enough to have a social life. And yeah, the Pearls are AWFUL. You have NO idea how important this is to me for so many reasons. Learn how your comment data is processed. Thank goodness she gave the book back to me and filed for divorce. (How noble! Being desperate at the time, I read it and was convinced everything was my fault (not his lies, abuse, adultery and deception), and that if I just became a doormat essentially, all would be well! They dont view it as abuse, but rather as suffering for the sake of the Gospel, being more spiritual, keeping the family together, being a good homeschool wife, obeying God . We want personal attention. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Theyre also less likely to follow in his steps. Sigh. Just because I am not involved with this mentality doesnt mean I wont meet a person who is, and with the knowledge I gain here, I may at least be able to insert some truth and food for thought into their mind and heart. God is into long-term redemption and repentance, whereas Debi says things like wear out your man day and night so that he has no sexual energy to cheat on you. After we ate I was ready for some more sex, but she just wanted to sleep. Do they even pay attention to what they write? The pastor is blaming the WOMEN for leading the men away!!!! Im curious, what did you find to be so bad in his book? In other words, they lie. I cant take anymore..I would LOVE to hear an expert such as Dr. Hare read this mans story and see what he thinks of it. Take the sexually abused children to visit their abuser 3-4 times a year to help them heal? Ugggh. I cant help but compare and contrast him insisting she cook on their honeymoon to save money (which as I said earlier I have done with friends but we made sandwiches! How was he showing his gratefulness to God for giving him this wife and how was he honoring God by showing love to his wife? Editors.]. I know about their pain. A man has set himself up as our Pastor of Administration and Discipleship. They taught this in my church when my sons were small as well as their child-rearing class. Are there any reviews on two books called The Excellent Wife, and The Exemplary Husband? Thus he reacts badly. I am still teaching my sons that they cannot treat me with the same lack of respect that their father demonstrated to me while they were growing up. Thank you Avid Reader for this very excellent review! Its more shocking because I think it is VERY likely to be TRUE of his mindset. I shared some of their mindset on natural lifestyles; it seemed like a (mostly) healthy worldview, overall. While they both didnt write it, Debi did. She was another of the many authors I had to expel from my brain after God woke me up to the truth about evil through His word. I asked why, and they told me because it was so easy to understand and well laid out.

She basically says were servants of men and only put on this earth to be wives and mothers and thats it. And while I was influenced by these teachings, my discipline was so harsh towards my kids it was abusive. It was disgusting. He will thoroughly know all of the stuff about forgiveness and respecting your elders and such, because she brought him all that good teaching. Because then they would be done half way through the year and then what would they do? Right. One of my parents was fundie, I was sent to fundie schools growing up, and the church my (now) husband and I attended was fundie lite.

(p. 171). The entire monologue was laden with how abusive he was to her! Jesus talks about people who reject Gods Word to keep their traditions. Interesting, I dont think Shepherding A Childs Heart is at all the same. How sad that I kept his ugly sin a secret all these years, thereby allowing him to continue from child to child with his filthy practices. It really illustrates how all the little discourteous and uncaring actions add up to misery.

She told me to pass it along when I was done. Making her carry 30 pounds of crabsAT NIGHT, ON HER FIRST NIGHT WITH HER NEW HUSBAND? Remember when King Herod tried to stand in the place of God, he was immediately struck down (Acts 12:22-23). SHE had chosen the program that we both researched. Welcome to the blog Mry, and thanks for your comment. She was extremely charismatic and loved to cook, was a superb entertainer and charming to boot. Search Results for: 1 Timothy 2. Yeah, this book is horrifying and degrading. This guy is no prize. For example, if a husband has a gambling problem, his wife needs to set appropriate limits, such as canceling his credit cards, separating their joint accounts.to force him to take responsibility for his problem. I tried for 14 years. But Ive since heard many parents say that they cant help their kids with math because it has to be done the new way and they have to show their work. Therefore, no amount of effort can force people to treat us well. I tried to calm her down but she just stomped off, leaving the French fries turning black in the hot smoking oil and the crabs crawling. Don Hennessy on systemic abuse inIreland, John MacArthur publicly shamed and excommunicated a mother for refusing to reconcile with her abusivehusband, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcrkUsq69lk&t=5s. The context is not taking care of parents. 3blossomsMom that is how the book made me feel too. God doesnt micromanage all spheres of authority. I foolishly put it on par with my Bible, and went into the marriage trying desperately to live like Debi. I dont understand the need for all these Christian marriage books. ), Never demand a man love and cherish you because he ought to. Listen to what Debis husband, Michael Pearl, writes. I was Bible College trained and studied the Word, as a serious student, for at least an hour every day.

Although I had grown up with parents that truly loved each other, I got lost in this heresy. NOT!) This was reinforced when I had tried to do something on my own and failed., I was never allowed to make mistakes and to learn from them and move on. . Many years ago, when I was in the early stages of writing my book, I used to believe that we need at least 3 NT verses for any doctrine. Im nervous to type this, even anonymously, but how exactly does one get out of a Reformed church once the disciplinary process has begun?